I’M NEW HERE
The overwhelming feeling I had when I walked into my first legal pot shop was, “How do I do this?”
Of course, I was excited, arguably even giddy, to see just shelves and shelves of cannabis just sitting there in front of me. But like most people, my experience prior to legal weed involved buying an amount of weed from a guy or gal. No one ever asked me what terpenes I preferred or whether I was a Sativa or Indica guy. I mostly thought strains were just things made up on the spot by dealers to sell their product. Maybe there might be a few strains to choose from, but for the most part, you just bought what they had.
Now if you walk into a bar and say, “Hey make me a cool shot!” What you’re actually going to get is the one drink that particular bartender makes for people who don’t know what to drink. On the other hand, if you walk in and say, “I like botanical gins.” That same bartender (I suppose depending on where you are) is going to be able to aptly guide you to a gin that is going to be perfect for your palate. But if you feel like experimenting, on the same tack, you can say, “Hey, I like fruity cocktails and Tequila.” That bartender will then be able to guide you to something that perhaps you haven’t had before. Because they know what you like. A scotch drinker probably isn’t going to be into a Vodka Martini, any more than a Martini drinker wants a Scotch. Neither is wrong, but the palate is everything.
Now with Cannabis, it becomes even more complicated. Not only are you dealing with flavor preferences, you’re dealing with high preferences. Add to that, most people have different activities that they want to partake in when high. Essentially, whether you want to watch The Office for the 300th time, weed your garden, or sit in a bath: there’s a strain for you.
So here you are, walking into your local Kush 21. You’re probably overwhelmed. They’ve got blunts, capsules, cookies, pre-rolls, and concentrates (I didn’t even know what a concentrate was). If none of those work, there are cartridges, and rubs, CBD, Indica, Sativa, Sativa-dominant hybrids, and terps. What’s a terp? You just wanted to get high! What is all this stuff?
I JUST WANNA GET HIGH!
Take a deep breath. Everything’s gonna’ be ok. One of the trained, attentive, and very into weed budtenders has got you. But what do you say when you get on up there?
If you say, “Hey, I wanna’ buy some weed.” They can do that for you. Just like a bartender, every budtender will have their favorite strains. They’re going to suggest one for you. But here’s the problem.
Maybe that budtender LOVES to get high and go to the gym. Maybe that sounds completely insane to you (it’s actually pretty great FYI – I highly recommended asking for a high limolene strain if you want to go there). So if your plan is to smoke a joint and take a nap, that’s probably not a great call, in that case, a good heavy Indica strain might do the trick. That budtender can’t know though if you don’t tell them!
POT SHOP HOW TO
So here’s what I do. Sometimes I take a look at strain reviews. Most will have ratings on things ranging from dry mouth to euphoria. Now, of course, this also becomes hard, because dry mouth is terrible and euphoria is great. So even better than saying, “this is how I want to feel” (truthfully also a hard thing to predict – everyone is a little different), try thinking about what you want to DO.
This is where most folks are likely to start thinking of Indica vs. Sativa. In most cases, this does give you a rough idea of how a strain is going to affect you. You may have heard someone saying Indica = ‘in da’ couch’. This is where “mostly true” is important. There are always outliers. For instance, Gorilla Glue #4, one of my all-time day waster strains, is actually a Sativa-dominant hybrid. It literally gets its name from how it glues you to the couch. Not sure you’re going to find a much more ‘in da’ couch’ strain than that. But yet, it’s Sativa dominant.
BUDTENDERS ARE HERE FOR YOU!
So if you want to get the best out of your budtenders at Kush 21, then your best bet is to think about what you’re planning on doing when you’re high.
I find that terpenes are the most accurate predictor of flavor and effect rather than Indica/Sativa, and there’ll be a whole series of blog posts on that later. But for now, here’s how I order weed if I don’t know what I want,
“Hey, tonight I have D&D. I’d like to be cognizant enough to keep my wits about me, but I also want to be relaxed and a little goofy. What would you recommend?”
That budtender is going to turn around and be like, “I got you, man. Try this super euphoric, weed.” Then I get to walk out of Kush 21 with the perfect strain for killing orcs.